#Gentle reader miss manners how to#

I suggested that it was assuming too much on my part, and that a 'funk' is not a serious condition - it sounds to me like a pity party being held by a freshman experiencing her first finals week. (That information is also in the syllabus, and available through many other means around campus.) But when I complained about this email, some of my fellow instructors pushed back and said I should have offered her information about counseling services. She was not doing well in class even before this incident. This student has known about this short assignment since the first day of class, 14 weeks ago, thanks to the syllabus. What really gets me, however, is their constant stream of emails: 'I wasn't feeling it, so I didn't come to class today, sorry.' 'I needed a mental health day so I skipped our discussion.' 'I was too hungover, so I slept in this morning instead of coming to class.'įinally there was this one: 'I've been in a funk all weekend so I didn't manage to do the assignment on time, but can I still turn it in?' This email is the subject of my second issue. I am baffled by their lack of engagement. They pay a large premium to be here, and they are all adults who could choose to leave college at any time.

The issue is twofold.įirst, the students have been unmotivated, coming to class unprepared (if at all). Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin And Jacobina Martin,ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach at the college level, and was recently lamenting some of my communications with students. Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website Keep Whining, But It Seems To Work Students Keep Whining, But It Seems To Work Better to remind her, gently, which will require selective memory of its own: “You know, I’m sure we did talk about two weeks ago, when I passed by and you were trimming the azaleas. GENTLE READER: Pretending to have just met is only going to cause confusion when your neighbor gets home and her husband reminds her that you invited them over last week while walking the dog. Should I act like I don’t know her every time we speak, or is that patronizing? Both times, we talked for a bit, then she introduced herself when she left, she said all the “nice to meet you” stuff one says when you meet someone for the first time. In our last two conversations, which took place about two weeks apart, it was clear that she didn’t recall ever speaking to me before. But, as Queen Gertrude demonstrated, it is a problem that is not searching for a solution, as the celebrants are generally content to party on.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved into my neighborhood three years ago, and I’ve had about 10 conversations with one of my neighbors at the end of the block.

#Gentle reader miss manners how to#

GENTLE READER: How to demonstrate proper contrition while celebrating the byproduct of one’s crime dates at least to the second wedding of Hamlet’s mother. A good host refrains from sending guests into snowbanks or dark basements.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there etiquette guidelines for a wedding where the couple consists of a formerly married person and their affair partner during that former marriage (assuming it’s well known)? Should the bride eschew white? Should the officiating clergy skip the normal sermon on fidelity? Should the whole event be low-key? The solution offered must not be more than incidentally punitive, in this case being separated from the main event and possibly required to don a jacket. The guest may then choose whether to relocate or to vape later. The polite way to enforce a reasonable household rule (which yours is) is to provide a solution: “I’m so sorry, we don’t vape in the house, but we have a nice deck let me show you.” Miss Manners reminds you of this to say that her solution will also work on intentional guests.

GENTLE READER: The reason etiquette objects so strongly to guests of guests is that they impose the duties of a host on you in regard to someone you did not invite. But even if that is the case, I’m not comfortable with seeing a cloud wafting through my home.Īm I being unreasonable? Is there a polite (and hospitable) way to ask him to put the vape away or to smoke on the deck? My partner insists that while it was strange that he vaped without asking, it’s no big deal because unlike cigarette smoke, a vape pen won’t stain or cause any damage. I don’t know this vaper well, and was flummoxed as to how to proceed. That is, until this friend of a friend started incessantly puffing on his vape pen, without warning or permission, inside my home. It was an informal gathering, so “the more the merrier” was the philosophy. DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner invited one of his friends to my home who, in turn, brought along one of her friends.